no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
