Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
