i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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