I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
