oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't deserve a penis
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
