What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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