How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
