After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
