We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so let's talk penis.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
