Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
