Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
