i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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