Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
