Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
