You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
