Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
