Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
