I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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