pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
