After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
