Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She even gives head with a lisp.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
