so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
