i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
