i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
