"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
