I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
