How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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