I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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