Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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