and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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