why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
