its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
