My sheets look like a crime scene.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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