I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
