I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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