I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
