he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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