I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
