so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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