her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
