He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
