I wish I could teleport
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
