The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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