I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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