I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
