Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
