I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
