Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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