I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
