Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
