What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
