I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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