these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
