she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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