Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
