i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
