FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
